I respectfully submit a copy of a letter I dispatched via my computer’s electronic mail system to the Official Nintendo Magazine:
Dear Sir or Madam
I am a writer from London who is currently experiencing an extended period of writer’s block.
In many ways, I suppose I should feel thankful that you have unwittingly given me an excuse to knuckle down and do some actual writing, albeit just a simple letter. As I point out to many aspiring writers, ‘writing’ can be in any shape or form as long as you dedicate at least half an hour a day towards it. But I digress…
After a long period of ‘gamer’s block’ (do you see what I did there?) since last playing my trusty Sinclair ZX81, I felt it was high time I returned to the ‘scene’ and bought my first ever console (yes, I've really never had one before). Unlike many other people in the UK, being a writer gives me a perfectly valid excuse for being an unfit fat porker, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to lose weight! So the natural choice of videogame console was the Wii, after a large carrot was dangled in front of my nose in the shape of the Wii Fit balance board in Hamleys.
And so a magazine was needed to accompany my new console and fitness regime with the Official Nintendo Magazine (aka ONM) being my first choice because I think anything with the word ‘official’ in the title suggests prestige, high standards and general overall quality.
So it is a shame that I was let down!
As I'm sure you are aware, literacy, like fitness, in the UK generally leaves a lot to be desired. Sadly, your magazine is no exception. Whilst reading the latest issue (37, Christmas 2008) I noticed in the sidebar of page 11 that the Wii is still the ‘sort-after’ gift around. This should actually read ‘sought-after’ – ‘sought’ being the past and past participle of ‘seek’, and a homophone with ‘sort’.
And so, thanks to Official Nintendo Magazine, I became inspired to devise a sequel to Wii Fit to improve the educational standard of the nation even further. It's called Wii Spell. Of course balance board functionality is the issue here, but, if I can crack it, I'm sure the possibilities are endless, and hopefully it'll lead to a 100% error-free Official Nintendo Magazine!
I look forward to receiving your comments, and my Nintendo DS Lite ‘Star Letter’ prize, and I’d be pleased if you’d be so kind to forward my proposal to the Commissioning Editor at Nintendo.
Matt Cruse (aka Electric Writer) (Mr.)